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Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Thursday, March 31, 2011
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15/3/11 MY BARIO FRIEND'S JOKE...

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Last Friday 25th March, 2011, I was in Marudi, a town up river of Miri. By boat, it takes about three hours to reach there. Journey by winding and muddy road will be about two hours, and if it rain heavily, definitely we'll need to just sleep on the way, and wait until the road is a bit dry. By the small MASwing plane, it is just a 20 minutes flight. Since I landed at about 5.00 pm, with the nice cool breeze, upon check-in I took a stroll to the town. It only took me merely 30 minutes to have a good feeling of Marudi lives.

(2) About 7.00 pm, I remembered a friend, whom came from Bario and now doing great business in Miri. I sent him a SMS telling him I was there in Marudi. Let share our SMS bombardment!

(i) Me: "Brother, I'm here in Marudi. How's life? Quiet sometimes have not heard from you. Got chance to walk into DUN this time?" This friend of mine, has and is politically active person and have been doing lots of good deeds. He was ambitious since his student days in Jalan Pantai Baru, KL. We then always talked about our Sarawak rural disparity as compared to those that we seen in Peninsula Malaysia.

(ii)Him: "Well brother, I have been thinking about it. But unfortunately, my name never appear. Anywhere, this time, we (his Party) have to give way to others (another Party)to represent BN...." Both my friend and me were interested in politic. His interest sustained, while mine, I need to sit back since I have a responsibility that I must served first.

(iii) Me: Jokingly I said to him "Well I believe I know why your name is not in the list. In fact your name was on the list. Only you for your area, no secod choice, but, I believe our friend (refering to our friend whom is already one of State DUN member) blancoed your name, and replaced it with others..." In 1980s, about five of us used to stayed in PJ/21. We used to play guitar and sing together. He has that Rod Steward voice. Once we are tired, we would rushed to the nearby Cinema and get the RM0.50 ticket and served ourselves to the movie.

(iv) Him: "I suppose so brother. Now since I know who is the guy who always sabotaged me, this time if I meet him I'll tell him off. Tak guna punya kawan!....hahahhaha"

(v) Him: "Hey brother, since you are in Marudi, I want to tell you that the town has always been nostalgic to us, the Orang Ulus. In those days, after hard travelling down from Bario, as small boys with our hard working parents....once we reached Marudi, we felt, as if we have come to another world. It is just like visiting New York. Apa lagi lepas itu dapat makan cendol. The cold cendol taste great. Feel like in heaven..." In those day, only in town such as Marudi have ice to make cold cendol. Surely for kids, cold cendol especially in hot day, surely taste great. A gift from heaven probably.

(vi) Him: "And, after our Primary Education in Bario, we will be schooled in Marudi for our Lower and Middle Secondary Education. As an Orang Ulu, to be schooled in town, was really something....and it was also our dream to take the Taukey Daugther as our girlfriend...but, unfortunately, the Taukey always have different thought about us!......hahaha" At least, as a disadvantage rural boys, in those day, they still have Big Dream!

(vii) Me: "Brother, it seem you have lost your heart to one of the Taukey Daughter...and mind you, in those day, Marudi was your heaven, but if you could come down here and be as me, held in this small stuffy 'hotel' room, surely you will be thinking of Hell not Heaven!..."

(viii) Me: "Anywhere, brother let walk into Parliment in 2016, since by then we should be much wiser, with all the better wisdom...." A thinking, a dream, since our name not listed in the current running!

(ix) Him: "Sure brother, if I can't walk into parliment in 2016 by myself...then I help to carry your bag there....hahah" At least our comradeship is enriching despite age is catching fast.

(x) Me: "Hahhha brother, the bag must be filled with paracetamol (Panadol)....I give you a call once I reach Miri tomorrow. Take care brother!..."

(xi) Him: "Sure, but I'm leaving for KL today...see you next time. Take care". In fact later I wonder, he might be seeing Najib to 'reinsert' his name in the list. A thought for an ambitious friend.

(3) That's life. When we were small, we dreamt. Dreaming makes us moving forward. Failure of achieving one dreaming doesn't stop us form dreaming another dream. At least live move on dreaming.....

Kuching
31 March., 2011
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
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20/07/09 YOU SEE, YOU SEE......

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A western elder couple visited our Semenggok Urang Utan Rehabilitation Center. Their luck was so good for the day. Lots of Urang Utans were hanging around doing all sort of their daily life style: hanging, swinging, climbing, wrestling, all sort. But at a distance, there is this an old couple of Urang Utan. They seem to be much different. They hug each others. They were holding hands. Sometimes kissing each other. They seem to be very passionate, loving, caring couple.

(2) Observing such acts, the white man wife looked sarcastically to the husband. You see how caring that male urang utan to the wife. And you, we have been a distance, and never you treat me as such anymore. You see.

(3) The white woman husband felt so embarrassed with the wife. He called up the Center Warden, and asked him. "Hey, friend, how many time does that urang utan make love a day?"

(4) The warden shown him his five fingers. "What? Five Times. God!" shouted the husband, and again the wife stared at him...and saying you see, you see!

(5)"Hey friend!" Shouted the husband again to the warden. "How many wife does the urang utan have?" he yelled aloud.

(6) Again the the warden shown him his five fingers, waiving to the white couple. At this moment, the husband look hard into the wife eyes....saying DID YOU SEE?

Kg. Kayu Kapur, Bekenu, Miri
22 July, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
18/07/09 MDURA LAGI...

18/07/09 MDURA LAGI...

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Suatu hari seorang Pak Presiden sedang sakit tenat. Dia dimasukin ke Rumah Sakit Umum. Maka, Bapak Wakil Presiden (Timbalan Presiden) datang munjong (melawat). Saat dia menghampiri kamar Bapak Presiden, didapatinya Bapak Presiden sangat sugul sekali. Lalu Bapak Wakil Presidenpun (WaPres) mencari akal, berkira-kira bagaimana mahu membuat Bapak Presiden gembira dan ketawa.

2. Ya. Dia teringat satu jenaka. Maka Bapak WaPrespun mulai. Gini loh Pak. Ada ini, anak (orang) kampungan, maaf ya Pak, anak Madura. Dia mahu ke Jakarta. Dia naik kereta (keretapi) dari Surabaya. Dia ngak tahu loh di mana itu kamar kecil (tandas). Dia mahu buang air kecil. Dia ngak berani sembarangan. Dia tahan terus . Sampe sakit dia menahan mau buang air kecil. Sampe di Samarang, kereta pun berhenti, lantas pintunya terbuka. Wah anak Madura ini, terus aja anjlok (terjun), bukak celananya (seluar), terus aja…..wah yo melepaslah! Sedang dia, yo tengah buang air kecil, lewat (lalu) mesinyor rel (penyelia stesyen), loh Mas (sdra), ngapain lu kecing di sini. Kalau mau, kencing yo pergi jauh-jauh deh! Anak Madura itu seperti kehiranan, Wah dari Surabaya sampe Semarang dibilangnya (dikatakan) belum jauh (jarak 400 km antara keduanya). Gila!.....kehkehkeh kedua-dua Bapak Presiden dan Wakil Presiden ketawa sampe terbatuk-batuk….yahhh pinter (bijak) kamu bikin aku seneng (gembira)….selayaknya kamu jadi WaPres…….yah cocok (sesuai) sekali!

3. Setelah ketawanya surut. Kerana tak mahu kalah. Bapak Presiden pun buka mulut. Aku juga punya cerita loh, kata Bapak Presiden. Ya ampun sih. Ya si anak Madura juga loh, bisiknya ke telinga WaPres. Dia juga naik kereta. Jendelanya dia buka. Mau ambil angin kayaknya (seadanya). Lalu, tangannya dijewerin (terjulur keluar) loh. Wah itu kan bahaya. Maka, bila Bapak Mesinyor lewat (lalu), lantas dia, ya ngomongilah (memberitahu) sama itu anak Madura. Loh, Pak, tangannya jangan dijewerin gitu. Nanti bisa kesandung (terlanggar) tiang listrik (elektrik), bisa tugel (patah). Payah nanti. Ah, jawap anak Madura, yo ngak apa-apa sih! Begitu sombong mukanya! Dia terus meletakkan tangannya di luar tingkap keretapi…

4. Kebetulan di sebelahnya, duduk seorang tua Jawa. Dia amat ngerti sekali akan egoisnya anak Madura. Maka dia coba membantu Bapak Mesinyor. Gini, Mas, saya khuatirnya lo, sapanya lembut kepada anak Madura tersebut. Nanti seluruh desa ini akan kepetengan (kegelapan) sih. Tiang-tiang lestrik bisa patah semua terkena tangan Mas yang terjewer itu sih, saran Pak Jawa itu. Wah! Seperti terperanjat anak Madura itu, langsung menarik tangannya, dan terus menutup tingkap. Dia mengangguk-nganguk kepala sambil tersenyum lebar, merasa banga bahawa Bapak Jawa ini mengakui kehebatannya! Si Bapak Jawa pun membalas senyumnya, sambil di dalam hati, tahu juga dia takut patah!

5. Kedua-dua Bapak Presiden dan WaPres ketawa kikikikik…..dan kemudian WaPres minta undur diri, sambil dalam hatinya, dia mengakui, hebat juga Bapak Presiden ini! Sambil berkira-kira, bagaimana mahu menyingkirkan dia dalam PEMILU nanti?

Wewak, East Sepik, PNG
23 June, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
12/7/09 KENAPA KUDA SERING TERTAWA SEDANG LEMBU GELENG-GELENG...?

12/7/09 KENAPA KUDA SERING TERTAWA SEDANG LEMBU GELENG-GELENG...?

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Kenapa lembu, bila berjalan suka geleng-geleng kepala, dan kuda suka angok-angok, malahan seperti ketawa girang, ngik ngik ngik. Sedang sang gajah selalu saja tertunduk seperti malu?

(2) Dulu-dulu, dikisahkan di zaman Nabi Sulaiman, semua binatang boleh berkata-kata sesama sendiri, saling memahami. Juga segalanya sangat patuh kepada perintah dan suruhan Nabi Sulaiman.

(3) Pada satu hari, bagi membuktikan ketaatan segala binatang ini, maka diadakan satu perlumbaan dan semuanya diarahkan mengantungkan ‘telur’ masing-masing pada sepohon pokok besar. Maka segalanya ikut perintah; kuda, lembu, gajah, segala berlumba-lumba menurut perintah menggantung ‘telur’ masing-masing di sebatang pohon seperti dimaksudkan.

(4) Kemudian diperintahkan supaya mereka, mengambil dan memakai kembali ‘telur’ masing-masing. Apa lagi sang kuda terus saja memecut, lantas menyambar telur yang terdekat. Wah, kerana dia paling pantas, maka dialah yang pertama dapat mengambil telurnya. Langsung dipakainya telur itu. Wah besar sekali telur kuda ini! Bukan main banganya dia, memiliki telur yang paling besar, biar sebenarnya bukan salnya milik dia,lantas melompat-lompat, mengangguk-ngangguk kepala, sambil berbuat bunyi yang sungguh girang, ketawa ngik ngik ngik…..

(5) Sang lembu, yang kebetulan di belakang sang kuda tersebut, mengeleng-geleng kepala, mengucap, bertasbih kekesalan kerana sang kuda telah tersalah ambil telur, iaitu telur gajah, sedang tidak dia punya hati untuk menegur sang kuda. Sedang sang gajah pula, kerana telurnya sudah diambil kuda, kerana takut malu tidak bertelur, diambilnya dan dipakainya saja telur kuda yang tertinggal tetapi lebih kecil, maka dia terus tertunduk malu, kerana telurnya lebih kecil dari telur kuda, biarpun badannya jauh lebih besar, sedang matanya terus saja terkebil-kebil menerima seadanya.

(6) Begitulah perilaku para binatang ini untuk sekian lamanya sehingga menjadi tabiat sejadi mereka.

Mekarsari, Jakarta
9 June, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
24/6/09 OUR FISH ARE BIGGER.....

24/6/09 OUR FISH ARE BIGGER.....

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Sepik (Lowland), Mount Hagen (Highland) and Bougainville (Island) are three provinces of the Papua New Guinea (PNG) that represent the distinct differences among them. The Sepik or the Lowland people a bit shorter, fairly dark skin, with a bit big and much pointed nose, their hairs are curly and short. The Mt. Hagen (Higlanders), they are much bigger in size, darker skin, and with big nose. The Bougainville have real dark skin, they are taller, brown curly hair are normal among their ladies.



In Sepik, the trees, the crocodile, the prawn, etc are always big, bigger than any other places in the PNG. While the fruits and birds: the banana, the taro, cassowaries, etc are bigger in Mount Hagen. In Bougainville, being a coral Island in the South Pacific, they have lots of real good fish. Basically, each region has it own superiority. They are proud of their territorial superiority. So much so that, when the three met, they used to argue among themselves, trying to claim who is more superior then the others. This may lead to a fight. The fight among them is normal, be it in town, in the playfields, in school or even in colleges and universities. It is sort of territorial marking (registration), such that, since it is sort of a norm, thus they created a joke out of it!

2. One day, three boys, good old lik lik monkey friends, (lik lik monkey is a pigin word for small kid) from the three Provinces went fishing by the coast of Port Moresby (POM), the capital city of PNG, and usually being called Moseby among the local. Fish are abundant here. As they throw the lines into the water, immediately they began to load all sort of fishes. They caught real lots of Fish.

3. The Bougainville boy was not happy with the catch, he began to grumble, saying aloud, why are the fishes in Moseby are small? He sort of shouting, why is there no big fish in Moseby! This is not good! In Bougainville, he added, all those fishes that they caught would be thrown back to the sea. He claims loudly, that in Bougainville they only take big, real big fish! Fish in Bougainville are really big, holding his hand apart, to show how big the fishes in Bougainville are.

4. Seeing such an act, the Mt Hagen boy get annoyed. He though this Bougainville, must be wanting to show off, by the way he describes the size of the fishes in Bougainville. He immediately stretch his arm to the widest, and said to the peak of his voice, the Mt Hagen fish are bigger, bigger than my arm length. Yeahh, surely such an act is considered as a challenge to the Bougainville, so the argument between the Bougainville and Mt Hagen boy began, and they almost put a fight.

5. But suddenly, both of them fall silent when they saw the Sepik boy swinging his arm? Making big circle! To their annoyment, the Sepik even grin his teeth, smile at them with his hand, swinging making even larger circle. Both of them shouted at him. What are you doing? The Sepik boy just shook his head, smile and grin at them. That makes the two boys becoming more annoyed. They shout at him. Hey you long long! (long long means mad in Pigin). What do you want to say! Ha…Sepik fish are bigger! The eyes of the Sepik fish, are as big as this, again making bigger circle with his hand, both hands even! That how it goes, yeahhh, boys don’t easily fight, they just jump splashing at each others in the water. They really keep the spirit of the Man Belong Hook (fisherman, in Pigin language)of the Valley, the Highland, the Island.


Wewak, Sepik, PNG
23 June, 2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009
20/6/09 SELAMAT ITU MAHAL.....

20/6/09 SELAMAT ITU MAHAL.....

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Kisah seorang penumpang Jawa dan penarik beca Madura di Kota Pontianak. Beca adalah angkutan jarak dekat yang amat terkenal di Pontianak, dan Kota-kota lainnya di serata Indonesia, melainkan di beberapa tempat di Sumatera, kerana adanya kereta kuda. Para tukang beca, di Pontianak, rata-ratanya adalah orang Madura. Mereka ini amat lincah, dan suka mengayuh beca laju-laju.




(2) Suatu hari, dalam terburu-buru, seorang Jawa menaiki beca untuk ke satu tujuan. Setelah duduk dalam beca, beliau lantas menanya berapa tambangnya, maka tukang beca meminta Rp10,000.00.

(3) Loh kok mahal amet. Lima ribu aja udeh. Mana bisa Pak, jalannya jauh. Udah panas ini. Iya, lima ribu aja udah. Untung ngak nganggur. Kalau nganggur satu rupiahpun ngak bisa dapat. Udah lima ribu aja. Baiklah Pak. Pelit (kedekut) bener. Sepuloh ribu aja dibilang mahal. Begitulah dialog keduanya.

(4) Lantas, pengayuh beca mengayuh becanya dengan pantas sekali. Bengkang bengkok, berkejaran, menyelit-nyelit di antara para kereta, lori, dan motorsikal. Apa lagi, segala lubang-lubang jalan terus saja dirempuh, sampai berdentum-dentum, melompat-lompat becanya. Kembang kuncup berdentumderas jantung penumpang beca di buatnya.

(5) Sang penumpang, jagi kurang selesa. Aduh Pak, kenapa bawa laju-laju. Ngapain buru-buru. Yo ngak apa-apa Pak. Tenang aja. Mana bisa tenang. Ini segala lobang kamu tabrak (rempuh), nanti bisa kewalik (terbalik). Udah Pak, perlahan-lahan saja. Biar cari yang selamat.

(6) Ya Pak. Yang selamat itu mahal. Ya udah. Sepuloh ribu yo sepuloh ribulah. Biar selamat. Kalau gitu dari tadi kan bagus. Biar selamat. Selamat sepuloh ribu. Ya selamat itu mahal!

Kendari, Sulawesi Tenggara
10 June, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
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8/6/09 DI MANA MAU MEMULALKANNYA......

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Seorang perempuan muda, dikahwin paksa oleh orang tuanya kepada seorang Pak Kiai yang udah lanjut usianya. Maka di malam pengantin, si isteri muda ngak mahu digauli. Lantas dia pake seluar sampe lapis dua, berselubung selimut lapis dua, tidur bungkus terus. Pak Kiai melelah air liur melihat olah isterinya, lantas mencari akal, yah neng, mengikut guru gue, kalau begini, pasti mudah aja. Sekali gue baca Bismillah, Qulhuwallah, Bin Salabin....wah pasti terbuka segala

(2) Di malam kedua, sang isteri, cari akal baru. Kali ini lebih tebal seluar dan selimut di pakai. Paling hebat, dia pilih tidur di bawah bukan seranjang. Pak Kiai, terkebil-kebil matanya, wah neng, ikut guru gue, ini paling mudah, ngak usah Bismillah, ngak usah Qulhuwallah.....Bin Salabin aja pasti kamu menyerah.

(3) Malam ketiga, sang isteri ubah 100% strateginya. Kali ini dia ngak pakai apa-apa. Wah langsung Pak Kiai lihat isterinya, dia terus angkat tangan. Wah duh duh neng, kalau bergini, gue yang nyerah.......ya kalau begini neng gue yang payah....aduh neng, dimana saya mau mulakan!

Bandara Sukarno-Hatta 8 June, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
7/4/09 BUJANG SAMSU AND PAK JAPET......the siprit of struggle that Simunjanians must uphold!

7/4/09 BUJANG SAMSU AND PAK JAPET......the siprit of struggle that Simunjanians must uphold!

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This is Simunjan, a squarish town layout, lined up with three long wooden shophouses. A small town mid way of the Batang Sadong. On the upper river is the twin town called Serian. Both, in the past were called Lower and Upper Sadong.

Simunjan, probably is named after the local bird called Munjan...a pair who never be apart, thus the local...used the term.....just like Si Munjan (belangkas in the other Malay word) for any couple whom can't be split.....Simunjan....it seem after I left in 1972, is still not as colorful as the Munjan....

(2) Once there is a folk story about the Fight of Bujang Samarahan and Bujang Sadong (known as Bujang Samsu). Bujang Samsu, is a white blooded croc flying the Batang Sadong....and once, the Bujang Samarahan who is the King Croc of Batang Samarahan (a river just next to Btg Sadong)...crossed over to Btg Sadong...and while flying the Btg Sadong...Bujang Samarahan snatched two young kids who bathed at the river bank...upon knowing such, Bujang Samsu was not happy since this would create a tense between his people and the human community along the Btg Sadong....he demanded that Bujang Samarahan release the two kids...surely Bujang Samarahan refused....well, the local harmony have to be preserved...Bujang Samsu made an offer....let fight to death...if he lost, Bujang Samarahan can have the whole of Batang Sadong...but if he win, the two kids must be released...which Bujang Samarahan proudly agreed....

(3) Bujang Samsu told the kids....they don't have to be worried. If they see the Btg Sadong turn white, meaning their fate would be in the sole mouth of Bujang Samarahan...and if the river turn red, the peaceful life of Batang Sadong would be return to normal....and he is willing to fight for their safety...even if he has to die for it! The Bujang Samsu fighting spirit......for a good course for sure!
(4) The fight between the two lasted for two weeks...and the two kids really enjoy the fight....it happened, as I was told by MyGrand Parent and his orthers old folks...in what today is known as Lubok Samsu (Samsu Bay).....just down river to the old KTS sawmill site....and of course not the Samsu Indian Toddy! Upon the end of the second week...Btg Sadong turn red...and Bujang Samsu surfaced and took the two kids to their village....in fact the kids family had made the 14 days kenduri arwah for them....

(5) When I was kids, I used to walk along the muddy and bushy lane to school, taking me at least an hour to reach school...from Sedilo to Kpg Lintang. I have to pass by the District Officer Quarter (ie just behind the existing new one)....on every Friday morning I'll race to a graveyard belong by a person...I was told as Pak Japet...which is just by the side of the DO Quarter...his burrial ground is considered sacred...and every Friday morning (I believe Thursday Nite) some one would make one wishes and later place some coins and fruits....I raced for the coins and the fruits with all those schoolmates of mine from Sedilo and Kg Sabun....on my last visit...I saw the place was very bushy and unattended....not like the the time of DO Amin Satem (now Datuk)....whom the local always...called as the white mem (wife) DO....in actual fact, he inspired me to be a DO one day......

(6) Pak Japet...as I was told...was one of them who faought against the Japanese...and since no Japanese samurai could kill him, because he is kebal, the Japanese being a Japanese...get hold of him and burried him alive there...at that place....who is really Pak Japet...as a kid, I never bother to find out the details....probably someone should dig this up!

(7) Bujang Samsu and Pak Japet....two worrior that Simunjanian should be inspired with....they are willing to die for the good course of their community...where are we?

(6) Simunjan....you are unique and special....I'll walk you thru' some of these specialties.......

(7) In the 1940s...during the Japanese occupation, I was told MyGrand Dad...was a mandor to coal mining Ngeli under the strict Japanese supervision....MyGrand Dad who was among the pioneers (who had migrated from Palembang) to open up Simunjan...probably in the 10920s....and together with all those early Simunjan inhabitants...were taken sort of as slave to mine the coal.....as a mandor MyGrand Dad was only paid two (2) Japanese cents a day....just imagine the the salary of the ordinary workers....slave...a real slave...can't be enough feed the family...as I was told by MyGrand Mom....may their soul be blessed with all the happinest they deserved....

(8) The rail tract that carried the coal, ran along Kpg Nanas.....and the old locomotive is still there...next to the proposed New Simunjan Township....

(9) Batang Sadong is unique....this is one of the two rivers in the State (and few in the world) that has the Tidal Bore (benak) phenomena....a tide created at King Tide Period which fall on the 14-16th day of the Muslim lunar calender....the push of the rushing incoming tide water (air pasang) as against the rushing down river of the low water (air surut)...and since the river is shallow..the meeting of these waterhead turn into the tidal bore....in those olden day, MyDad used to surf....just like Hawaii Five'O' using his small sampan (perahu balok).....playing with this roaring dangerous 2-4 meters high wave!....

(10) Batang Sadong, in the 1960s is famous for its Labang (white patin) and Pelanto...river estaurine fish which hardly available....due probably the depletion of the mangrove out growing...these fish, feed on the ripe pedada fruits (Avicinia acida)....these fish are really delicious if cooked as asam pedas...as well as masak tempoyak....just to make YB Datuk Rais Yatim...gian

(11) During MyKid days, I used to catch alot of prawn from this Batang Sadong....and here we know the various growth stage of the prawn ....starting from senik (fries), to empunok (as big as your tumb), then udang dara (medium size), then only the udang galah...the real matured one....I don't think there is such description in any other dialect.....signifying....prawn is our pride of the past....and MyMom got stroke because we fed on prawn at least three times a day....breakfast, lunch, and dinner...lot of collestrol...but now...all the prawn of Batang Sadong had migrated...I don't where...our mangrove have gone...

(12) The muddy river bank of Batang Sadong....is a good skiing place...even better then skiing in Aspen, Colorado (USA)...except instead of sliding on ice, we ski on the mud...hahhh those kid days...don't worry, we never encounter Mr Croc....Bujang Samsu always protect us!

(13)In those days (30-40 years ago), thick growth of mangrove trees lining all along the river bank. At nite, the fire flies would brighten up all these trees..as if Christmas whole year through....and as well to guide those boats fyling the river during the nite...a lovely phenomena that MyKids will never see again....men, they never leave anything intact...!

(14) Franking the Batang Sadong are wide peatland....full with the great ramin, jongkong, gerungang timber...a soft but nice tecture timber..and today...nothing is left...all probably now in Japan....the fruit of the ramin tree...is a great bait to fish (menontang) the labang....

(15) The economic well being of the people of Simunjan in the 1960-1970s was logging and sawmilling...KTS and Hua Lim Timber Store...hiring worker at RM3-5/day...working like slave from 0700-1700 hrs, six days a week.....I used to watch these people working and wondering....how life had been so hard for these people....

(15) Paddy farming...is popular in almost every corner of Batang Sadong....every year end...either people from the down river or Simunjan proper itself will farm all those land along the river...especially at Lubok Buntin, Lubok Punggor, Gedong, Sg.Asu...etc....and the most popular rice is the beras biris...a semi glutinous rice...good to take with salted terubok....mmmm...masak lomak cili api..sure Datuk Rais Yatim...will love it!

(15)The inhabitant of Batang Sadong originally must have came from Sambas..Java, and Sulawesi....the Sambas occupied the inland part (Simunjan and Gedong), while the Javanese and the Bugis...at the lower part (Pendam).....that's the reason, if the Simunjanian speak...they have more eee then the other Sarawakian Malays....ape, ade, sine, gine, pine,....ne gaye rupe!

(15) But after 43 years...leaving Simunjan...the town remain sleepy..lazy...tired...should I sleep as well? Najib...Mahathir did visit here in 1984....but still he can't do much....let now we sleep less...Simunjan need all of us to wake her up!Should not Bujang Samsu and Pak Japet be reborn....
Thursday, April 2, 2009
ABU NAWAS....and the economic crisis

ABU NAWAS....and the economic crisis

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Tadi pagi lebih kurang jam 0630, sambil menkmati milo dan telur separuh masak di sebuah warung di Kota ini, saya terdengar tentang kegelisahan manusia kebiasaan akibat ekonomi kita yang tidak bergerak mengikut keperluan pertumbuhan pendapatan dan pekerjaan. Kegelisahan ketara mungkin akibat kuncupan di sektor pembuatan dan pembinaan. Dua sektor yang selama ini memacu ekonomi Negara, kini…seperti tidak bermaya….

Kecurian, pecah rumah, peras ugut,….mungkin penculikan akan berluasa….entah…maka saya terfikir bagaimana jalan pintas bagi mengurangkan kegilaan manusia yang tidak mahu berkerja……teringat saya akan kisah dulu-dulu….

(2) Di sebuah kampong entah berantah, ada seorang Kepala Desa yang namanya cukup hebat, Pak Abu Nawas…..dia sangat hebat, sehingga segala apa juga masaalah rakyat dapat diselesaikan oleh kepalanya yang bergeliga….

(3) Mengadap seorang hamba rakyat mengadap Tok Ketua….di pagi-pagi buta…seawal sebelum segala ayam bubar bertebaran mencari cacing dan belalang…melapurkan tentang rumahnya di masuki pencuri….habis segala harta bendanya di curi orang…..pintunya dipecah dan dirosakan….

(4) Tanya Tok Ketua….dari apakah pintu rumahmu di buat….dari daun nipah dan papan-papan buangan To Ketua….dan dari apa pula dinding dan lantai rumahmu di buat….ahhhh Tok Ketua…pasti dari kayu cengal…tidak mungkin dari daun nipah atau rumbia…mana tahan…

(5) Baiklah…kau baliklah, buka dinding rumah kau…gunakan segala papan yang ada dan binalah pintu-pintu dan tingkap-tingkap rumah yang kukuh….ohhh…bagaimana dinding rumah pula…tak mengapa, tak payah pakai dinding…cukup ada pintu dan tingkap yang kukuh sahaja….

(6) Sang hamba rakyat….kerana yakin akan kebinjaksanaan Tok Ketua Sang Abu Nawas….pulanglah sambil berfikir dalam-dalam….kemudian dia tersenyum luas…memang bijak Tok Ketua ini….betul juga….mana ada pencuri dan perompak masuk ikut dinding…semuanya masuk ikut pintu dan tingkap….maka wajarlah tak usah ada dinding…cukup sekadar ada pintu dan jendela yang kukuh…bijak, memang bijak…..hhhhhhhaaaaahhhhh.

(7) Begitulah adanya…Si Abu Nawas …

(Lebuh Wayang Kuching)
BILA PROFESORE TOK NUJUM...pun mengalah!

BILA PROFESORE TOK NUJUM...pun mengalah!

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Tersebut al-kisah…Sang Tok Nujum yang bergelar profesore, takala sedang bersantap dengan Sang Maharaja Negeri Entah Berantah, telah tercabar kebijaksannya. Tertakdir Sang Tok Nujum, kebijaksanaannya sudah terbilang di sentaro dunia…apa jua kemuskilan Negara pasti dapat diselesaikan dengan seklip mata. Pandangannya jitu, penyelesaiannya ampuh. Tiada tandingan.

(2) Sang Paduka Raja….terkenal juga dengan petah dan tajam fikirannya…mahu menduga panjangnya keris Sang Tok Nujum….lalu bertitah: Wahai Tok Nujum beta, beta dengar akan kehebatan akal dan ketajaman fikiran tuan hamba…..pasti dilautan mana sekalipun pasti keris tuan hamba dapat menduga-duga…..

(3) Kemuskilan beta….telah lama juga beta ingin menguji apakah benar fakwa beta….maksud tuanku, celah Tok Nujum Negara….begini Tok Nujum, cuba Tok Nujum buatkan ayat sepanjang yang boleh dengan semua patah perkataan sebermula dengan huruf J…….

(4) Maka terkebil-kebillah mata Tok Nujum Negara, mengaru-garu kepalanya yang udah tidak berambut barang sehelaipun….seharian mundar-mandir di anjung astana….seperti kucing hilang anaknya….ahhh Tuanku…tidak boleh hamba membantu Tuanku dalam hal ini….

(5) Tok Nujum Negara….cuba dengar syair beta ini….perhatikan betul-betul…apa ada sebarang sepatah dari syair ini ada terkandung perkataan yang sebermulanya bukan dengan huruf J…..silakan wahai Tuanku….

(6) Jenap jalan-jalan, Jalan-jalan jumpa Jenal. Jenap jeling Jenal. Jenal jeling Jenap. Jenal jamah Jenap. Jenap jangan-jangan. Jenal jamah juga Jenap. Jenap jom-jom…jeng jeng jeng jeng jeng……

(7) Wah Tuanku…syair Tuanku sungguh indah dan tiada tandingannya…maka lebih bijaksanalah Tuanku dari patik Tok Nujum Negara…..patik tidak akan lagi sekarang bergelar profesore!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
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MIDDLE AGE MAN CAN'T STAND....staying alive or get broke...

1 comment :
Lately, I chatted (called) and met with few of my old friends, men and women. All are still married. Most of us are in the late 40s.With kids either at College or High School....this article is purely my personal thought,just to share to enrich our live path...especially to MyTeam Member!

(2) One man friend said he was not happy. His sex life had gone down the hill....jokingly, I said, you are lucky that your sex life have not gone down the ravine...well I seldom being serious when come to personal life....that some time make them feel annoyed...not my intend! So at late 40s, or older, who on earth still have the 30s sex drive when they are already 40s, 50s or 60s? Not even a hungry tiger or cobra....Why we man get so worried about not able to satisfied our woman....hahhhhhh...and worst why is it we who are so worried about those, not vice verca.....let ask the woman are they equally still as sensitive as when they were 30s...definitely not...so, it is natural that either man or woman, they lost their sex drive as they age out.....is it really the truth that our woman are not satisfied....or is it just to fulfill our ego? And what do we mean by satisfied? We can't go for sexual intercourse training,...there is no academy for that... but we still can learn...there are so many books out there, just we don't bother to read and learn!How to keep ourselves fit, then sexually fit.....to me for both to be satisfied, man and woman, they must remain fit....

(3) Viagra...and those similar things, and here in Sarawak, the gambir Sarawak...are things that strike some guys mind to prolong their durability...bird nest soup, shark fin soup...all sort of sex stimulant food...great? Why is it always sex in our mind? To me it is just an incentive and or excuse to pay high cost for all those rare and special food! But are they really that good sex stimulant...how does it work? Say if we are obese, sick, tired, emotionally disturb...will it work? When did we have meal with all these expensive food...surely under a very happy mood...then, is it the food that matter or the drive because we have the mood? So, keep yourself fit...physically, mentally, and emotionally...sure...even the female leopard would be tame down!

(4) A group of middle age women, once went out for coffee with me. Since I was the only man, they really turn into leopard...really bullied me. With out shame, they fired me at point blank....how long can you stand? 10 mins, 30 min, an hour..or just 5 mins? Yeehh...I don't like standing, it make me tired...I prefer walking around....sure they said, you understand what we mean, but you look for escape route......at this point, ladies...raise your arm, hold it straight, and hold your middle fingure and point at me....just hold them straigh...while I smile...none want to it for more then 5 mns...so, do you understand...you are just raising and holding your arm straight...and you feel tired...so do man! We then just enjoy our coffee...and never talk about ....middle age man can't stand anymore!

(5) I really try to advocate hygienic food, hygienic life style, and surely focusing our mind on our true purpose..as a mean to keep ourselves healthy... physically, mentally, emotionally...and the rest surely come natural, not forced or worried off....
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
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LAGENDA PAK AWI DAN WAK DOMO....

4 comments :
Tahukah anda, terutamanya orang Kuching (Sarawak), dari mana datangnya Mee Jawa. Dari Ceribon ke Bandung, biarpun mengendap-ngendap kita merayau di Jakarta, pastinya kita tak akan bertemu dengan Mee Jawa. Maka dari manakah datangnya Mee Jawa....

(1) Mengikut Al Kisah, orang tua-tua kita, Mee Jawa berasal tak jauh mana sangat. Sebenarnya, asal usul Mee Jawa adalah hanya 12 batu dari Bandar Kuching.....bukan dari Ceribon, Bandung, atau Jakarta....Bt 12 Jln Kuching Serian. Pada zaman dulu-dulu (1960an), Cekur, iaitu Pasar Utama Kuching zaman dulu (dah ditutup sejak setahun lepas), adalah tempat persinggahan segala jenis pengangkutan laut. Di sinilah para pelaut, pelayar...terutama dari kawasan persisir bertemu dan berdagang....riuh rendah seperti sebuah Bazaar.

Biasanya, setelah penat berhari-hari menyusuri laut luas lalu berjam-jam memudiki Sg. Sarawak yang berliku-liku, selalunya, terutama Orang Laut (sebutan bagi orang Melayu Persisir).....mereka akan berduyun-duyun monjong (pergi ke) gerai Wak Domo.Beliau adalah seorang Jawa tok-tok dari Bt 12 Jln Kuching-Serian. Gerai beliau adalah sangat terkenal kerana beliau menjual Mee Special yang tak ada tandingannya....bagi yang mengenali beliau, maka di sebut Mee Wak Domo, tetapi lama-kelamaan, orang dah tak berapa tahu namanya...dan kerana tok-tok loghat Jawanya...maka Mee Wak Domo bertukar jadi Mee Jawa.....(begitulah perkisahan Wak Sapek Sepawi, Kg Terasi, Pendam, Jawa Banten seangkatan Wak Domo...Wak njalok ngapuro nek aku ngak bener!)

Kepada anda dari luar Sarawak, selain Mee Kolok, Laksa Sarawak, ....ingatlah makan Mee Jawa (Mee Wak Domo) bila bertandang ke mari.....


(2) Dulu-dulu, Tebekang (Serian, Sarawak) adalah sebuah kawasan pedalaman yang hanya boleh didatangi dengan berjalan kaki atau berbasikal. Di sini, ada seorang bernama Pak Awi, kerja beliau adalah sebagai peruncit...menjual apa saja ala kadarnya dengan berbasikal. Pelangan beliau adalah penduduk kampung terutamanya kaum Bidayuh di kawasan Tebekang dan pedalamannya....

Selalunya, bila beliau melewati sesebuah kampung, maka dia akan bertanya jarak kekampung seterusnya....dan biasanya penduduk kampung berkenaan akan menjawap ....JAUH Pak Awi...kerana perkara ini sudah menjadi kebiasaan, asal saja orang terserempak dengan beliau di jalanan...maka orang akan berkata Jauh Pak Awi...terutamanya anak-anak...bermai-ramai...

Maka sebutan Jauh Pak Awi telah merebak dan diguna seluas-luasnya oleh para penduduk tempatan dan sekelilingnya...sehingga tersebar luas di seluruh penempatan orang Melayu di Sarawak.....dan ada pun perkataan Jauh Pak Awi kini diertikan.....sebagai, JAUH SEKALI, ie Tak Mungkin, Sukar, Payah...untuk dilakukan sejauh dan sesukarnya perjalanan asal Pak Awi menjaja dikeliling kampung di Ulu Tebekang.....(perkisahan oleh Daniel Ranggu...friend don't create-create this story haaa!)
Saturday, February 14, 2009
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PINANG dan PINGAT

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Suatu waktu dahulu, di sebuah negeri yang bermaksud ''SERAH PADA AWAK'' maka dibawa mengadap para hamba Wakil Rakyat, sempena hari ulang tahun Tuan Raja. Tuan Raja ini bukan dari kerabat diraja, cuma Tuan Besar dari Great Britain (In Serah Pada Awak, it sound Beritan Besar), kononnya. Yang datang, adalah Wakil Rakyat dari kaum Dayak, Cina, dan Melayu. Maka, pada hari yang membahagiakan ini, Tuan Raja hendak menganugerahkan hadiah sebagai tanda terima kasih beliau diatas sokongan semua kaum jajahan takluknya. Sebagai Tuan Raja yang bijaksana dan saksama, beliau sangat prihatin tentang keperluan sebenar hamba rakyatnya, sehingga untuk memberikan hadiahpun beliau memohon pandangan Wakil-wakil Rakyatnya

(1) Wakil Rakyat Dayak, dengan segala gah pakaian dan perhiasan panglimanya, menjunjung, ampun: Tuan Raja, rakyat aku, orang menuai (luar bandar), perlu (keperluan) kami minit (sedikit) ajak (saja). Nadai (tidak) mayoh (banyak). Tik (jika) uleh (boleh), mintak buah pinang ajak. Melihat sang panglima Wakil Rakyat Dayak tersebut sedang mengunyah pinang dan sirih, maka yakinlah si Tuan Raja tentang keperluan rakyat sahaya kaum Dayaknya. Ah...is that all, such a simple request. Very humble. You really, Wakil Rakyat with my people in your heart. Ulih (boleh) Apai Tuai (Tok Ketua), no problem, you can have all the beetle nuts in town. Maka giranglah Wakil Rakyat Dayak ini, namun dia punya satu kemuskilan. Tuan Raja, sembahnya, kati (bagaimana) tik kami anak biak (hamba rakyat) nambak (nanam) buah pinang tok (ini). Kati (bagaimana) runding (prihal) tanah di tambak kami deh?....ahhh Tuan Raja sungguh kagum dengan Wakil Rakyat Dayak ini, sungguh dia berjiwa rakyat....OK, the land is yours and you can plant and use the menua land as you wish.........dengan ini, maka terbangunlah apa yang pada hari ini di sebutkan Native Customary Right (NCR) Land.

(2) Sang kancu, Wakil Rakyat Cina, mahunya mudah aja. Tuan Laja, wa mau niaga sajalah. Itu lu punya lepan (depan) Astana, kasi (bagi) wa niaga saja. Nanti ini Tuai (sambil menuding pada Wakil Rakyat Dayak), manyak (banyak) keluar buah pinang, wa boleh tolong jual.....ahhhh, Tuan Raja is very proud of his Wakil Rakyats....they seem to bersatu hati, helping each other, complementing and supportive. Maka, begitulah mulanya al kisah perkembangan Gambir Street di seberang Astana Tuan Raja. Disitulah banyaknya buah pinang dan gambir banyak terjual....

3) Maka tibalah gilirannya Temenggong Melayu mara mengadap. Dengan tengkolok gah di jemala (asal perkataan kepala kot), pakaian melayu asli perrwira bangsa, sebilah keris tersarung rapi (mungkin keris ini hanya tinggal hulunya saja...matanya tinggal dirumah)...melangkah gah tanjak perwira gagah perkasa....Tuan Raja sembahnya, sampil duduk tepat bertinggung tak ubah seperti mahaguru silat perkasa, kami anak-anak melayu (dia lupa emak bapak nenek datuk), menyembah perkenan agar budaya melayu mesti disubur dan kembangkan. Tidaklah molek, jika Temenggong hanya di gelar Temenggong, dan Penghulu hanya di gelar penghulu....tiada juga molek pembesar negeri tiada berbintang....(hahhh nasib baik dia tak mintak bermatahari), darjat kita mesti sentiasa dijunjung.....(Apai Tuai dan Kancu...saling berpandangan dan tertanya-tanya..nama (apa) jakok (cakap) ia (dia ni)!). Saya memohon perkenan, gelaran Datuk Temenggong, Datu Penghulu...kita wujudkan. Tuan Raja, tersenyum....dalam benaknya, I thought he want my post...it should be alright, at least now, they are under my full control....who ever among them who are loyal to me...then I'll bestow them Datukship....ahhhh this great malay thinker....no problem Datuk Temenggong....maka begitulah alkisahnya gelaran-gelaran melayu ini terbentuk....

(4) Cuma niat tersirat Datuk Temenggong...gelaran-gelaran ini di anugerah kepada yang berjasa, dan akan menjadi payung kepada orang Melayu...sungguh mulia dan berwawasanlah Datuk Temenggong kita ini.......namun, dia tidak terfikir, dengan adanya pengurniaan bintang-bintang ini, maka bersinarlah mata-mata tertentu untuk membaham segalanya....merosakkan orang kita....bukan menjadi payung panji-panji negara. Begitulah....kini, orang bertanah, orang berniaga...kita....ahhh syok sendiri saja....Alkisah.
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